Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize