We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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