I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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