i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
