theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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