dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
