He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
