oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
