I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
