So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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