watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize