i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
