I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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