how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
