Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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