I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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