You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Alive.
So much puke
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
