I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
