Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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