Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
