My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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