It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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