I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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