low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
