and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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