The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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