Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
