The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
