Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
