I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
