I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
