This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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