how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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