I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
