cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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