Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
