i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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