at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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