i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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