If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
