So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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