Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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