He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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