It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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