Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
