There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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