i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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