he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
