He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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