He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
