i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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