32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
