I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
