she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize