you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I AM VODKA MAN
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
God, I missed his penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
