Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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