He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
