letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
