i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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