We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
