Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
