I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
