eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
