no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
