: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
