Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
