this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
