i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
