how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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