you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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